You SHOULD argue in front of your children, claim scientists who say kids can tell when parents are ‘hiding something’

Parents with a stiff upper lip who refuse to talk openly about their emotions with their children could be damaging their offspring, scientists have discovered.    

Research has found that children have a better relationship with their parents if the adults show when they are aggravated, stressed or angry, according to Daily Mail.

The study dispels the belief of not arguing in front of the kids as youngsters are able to tell when their parents are hiding something and this can cause confusion.

 Seven to 11-year-olds become ‘less responsive and positive’ to mums and dads who suppressed negative feelings, the study of 109 parent-child pairs found.

Assistant Professor Sara Waters, of Washington State University, said: ‘Kids pick up on suppression, but it’s something a lot of parents think is a good thing to do.

‘We wanted to look at how we suppress emotions and how that changes the way parents and kids interact.’ 

Researchers asked the parents, which were split evenly between mothers and fathers, to speak in public and received negative feedback from the audience.

Parents were then tasked with completing a Lego project with their children.

Some were told to suppress their emotions and others were instructed to act naturally.

The youngsters received instructions on a piece of paper and were not allowed to touch the Lego pieces.

Parents had to assemble the project without looking at the instructions so had to work closely with their children.

The pairs were hooked up to a variety of sensors measuring their heart rates and stress levels.

Researchers then watched all 109 videos of the interactions to mark every instance of warmth, guidance, and other emotions.

Dr Waters said: ‘We were interested in behaviours. We looked at the responsiveness, warmth, quality of the interactions, how the parent provided guidance for the child.

‘The act of trying to suppress their stress made parents less positive partners during the Lego task

‘They offered less guidance, but it wasn’t just the parents who responded. Those kids were less responsive and positive to their parents. It’s almost like the parents were transmitting those emotions.’

Dr Waters said previous studies showed children were good at picking up ’emotional residue’ from their parents.

She said it was better to let kids see ‘healthy conflict’ from start to resolution than suppress their feelings.

She said: ‘Kids are good at picking up subtle cues from emotions.

‘If they feel something negative has happened, and the parents are acting normal and not addressing it, that’s confusing for them. Those are two conflicting messages being sent.

‘Let them see the whole trajectory.

‘That helps kids learn to regulate their own emotions and solve problems. They see that problems can get resolved. It’s best to let the kids know you feel angry, and tell them what.’

The researchers found emotional suppression made kids more sensitive to their mothers while the effect was less pronounced for fathers.

Dr Waters said more research was needed to understand the gender difference, adding: ‘We just don’t have much research on dads because it’s really hard to get dads to participate in research projects.

‘It took a lot of work to get enough dads in this study.’

Previous research have shown men are more likely to suppress their emotions.

Dr Waters believed the impact was lessened as children were more used to their fathers suppressing their emotions.

N.H.Kh