Generation gap is dangerous

Generation gap means different in attitude, or lack of understanding between younger and older generation. This generation gap has always been there, but these days it has reached to an explosive stage. The values and patterns of life have changed to a great extent, did you ever imagined that some children in our society changed to be terrorists? Did you ever think that we have some addict children?. Today everybody likes to live and behave in his own way. This attitude has widened the generation gap, which can never be filled except if we do something. This gap is destroying family life completely. The elders look after the children and make all sorts of sacrifices to bring them up, naturally, they feel they have a right over them. They want their children to follow their instructions as they have certain expectations from them, but the children, when they grow up, want a complete freedom in their thoughts and actions and unfortunately their thoughts and actions are just opposite to those expected by the elders, they revolt when any kind of restrictions are imposed on them consequently, the family breaks up and everything gets ruined.

Now I want to ask parents, How many times have you felt that your parents don’t understand you, that they have no respect for you as an individual ? How often do you shake your head in frustration and blame it on the ‘generation gap ? and that parents are like aliens from another planet altogether you and they are in different camps.

Many of us who’ve grown up in a tradition home can describe fathers as a strict, and serious, this is unlike modern fathers who share their children some of their activities, but with rapid changes in science and technology, the exposure which today’s teenager is getting is enormous, value systems have gradually degenerated, and the youth is assimilating a new culture, and parents are busy working, to bring them their needs, the result is confused parents who are unable to reconcile with the views of their children.

 I’ve met many parents, asked them how they thought of their parents at different ages , I had nearly the same answers ; when they were at 4 till 10, they thought their parents were very great, at 10 years they were good but short tempered, at 14 years they became fastidious, at18 years they became increasingly cranky, at 20 years, oh they became very difficult to tolerate, at 25 years, they were unbearable, objected to everything, almost a quarrel every day, after marriage and having a son or daughter, they began to understand that, bringing up a child is very difficult, and that their parents faced so many hardships to bring them up, they said;” we are unable to manage with our sons, we knew now that our parents were far sighted and planned so many things for us”. I confess, and they confessed that their parents were very great, but it took a long time to perceive that.

Don’t be angry when :Your teenager slams the door to her bedroom. Your ten year old huffs “Mom, you never understand!” Your four year old screams “I hate you, Daddy!” What’s the most important thing to remember? Don’t take it personally, This isn’t primarily about you, it’s about them: their tangled up feelings, their difficulty controlling themselves, their immature ability to understand and express their emotions. Taking it personally wounds you, which means you do what we all do when hurt: either close off, or lash out, or both. Which just worsens a tough situation for all concerned.

Many teens will feel passionately about events and may even personalize them if someone they know has been directly affected. They’ll also probably be aware that their own lives could be impacted by terrorist tactics. Try to address their concerns without dismissing or minimizing them. If you disagree with media portrayals, explain why so that your teens can separate the mediums through which they absorb news from the messages conveyed.

Generation gap is not that serious a problem, if families can learn to sit over dinner and talk, or sit in the living rooms over a cup of tea, and talk the things out, ironing the differences and sharing the experiences. When this communication barriers is transcended, and the ice broken, the problems does not remain that serious anymore, talking it out calmly and coolly, with the idea of sorting things out, changing for each other and changing for better can be the most helpful instrument in bridging the generation gap.

Family outings, vacations, tours, picnic-outings, often with the family, can be effective ways to initiate intimacy between parents and children, watching movies on tv. And discussing  them, playing computer games, putting forth the different view points, can be beginning to inculcate the habit of healthy dialogue between members of the family. Such small things and steps can do wonders, and reducing friction between two generations, that are right in their own respects, their only fault is that, they are viewing the same object from opposite directions, age, time, and experience, or lack of it, forces to do so.

At last, I say to our posterity : Seize the opportunity, if your parents are still alive, to learn from them, because no one in world wish you better than him except your parents, and to you,  parents I say: as Califate Ali, a long time ago said “ raise your children for their time, they’ve been created for a different time than yours”.

Butheina Alnounou                                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                       bossynounou@yahoo.com